In the wake of my 72nd birthday, I reflect on the search for a new best friend.

I recently watched a Netflix production entitled, “The Life List.” Connie Britton stars with Sofia Carson as mother and daughter. Mother is dying of cancer and in her last days she concocts a scheme to draw her daughter out of the “safe” life she has adopted at the expense of her dreams. In sorting through her things before she died, she found “The Life List” created by her daughter at age 13. In order to get her inheritance, she must complete the unfinished items on her list.

One of those things was to “find true love.” In effort to make sure that she didn’t just “settle” in regard to love, she advised her daughter to ask herself 4 questions about any man she is considering for a lifelong relationship. 1. Can you tell him everything in your heart? 2. Is he kind? 3. Does he help you to become the best version of yourself? 4. Can you imagine him as father of your children?

These questions gave me pause. I watched this show on June 15. That would have been the 46^th wedding anniversary for Sue and me. It hit me hard as I listened to the questions because when I answered them in regard to Sue, the answer to all 4 was a resounding “YES!” I looked back to a Sunday morning when she had helped out with a toddlers Bible class. I watched the way she dealt with those little ones, so kind, gentle, and loving. It made me realize that I had already fallen in love with her. (It took me a lot longer to convince her that she loved me). I knew she was going to be a great mother. I didn’t think far enough down the road, for as amazing as she was as a mother, she was even more amazing as a grandmother.

There is no doubt that I became a much better man as a result of having lived with her for 42 years. She had a way of making me take a second look at myself, gently pointing out my flaws while providing positive alternatives to my mistakes. I didn’t always like that process, but it definitely contributed to many of my successes. She was a bit of a control freak, but her need for order helped me become more focused and disciplined in my everyday dealings.

She was as kind a person as I have ever known. Her compassion for others was shown virtually every day of her life. Her ability to listen and make people feel seen and heard was far beyond the scope of most other people. Some of us can do that for a small handful of people, but she was able to do it with almost everyone she met. I lost count of the number of people who have told me, “She made me want to be a better person.” Her impact on others went far beyond her gentle kindness.

She was one person with whom I could bare my soul. We made each other laugh and truly enjoyed being together. It was like the pop group Chicago and their song, “Beginnings.” The first line says, “When I’m with you, it doesn’t matter where we are, or what we’re doing. I’m with you; that’s all that matters.” That describes how I felt about her and how much I just wanted to be near her. I still feel that way after 4 years without her. I think about her and miss her every day. Some days are harder than others.

I just celebrated my 5^th birthday without her. It was a day spent alone with my dogs and football. I received phone calls from both of my sons and all 3 of my siblings. I had no birthday cake (that is coming on Thanksgiving when the family celebrates my birthday along with the birthday of my youngest son whose birthday is on Thanksgiving Day). I tell this, not to garner sympathy, because even if I had been surrounded by loved ones, the day would have been lonely for me without Sue. I know those of you out there who have experienced the loss of your life partner understand the feeling. 

What gets me by is the understanding that Sue is with Jesus and now both of her parents. She blessed me with 2 amazing sons who in turn have blessed me with 7 incredible grandchildren. I have the support of gracious and loving support network and a group of work colleagues who go above and beyond to be helpful and supportive. In spite of what I have lost, I am an incredibly blessed man and live every day with the conviction  and hope that I will see her again.

I think I will know that I have found my “new person” when she is the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about when going to bed. She will be the first person I think to tell about the good and bad events of my day. I haven’t me her yet. Reminds me of the Michael Buble’ song, “I just haven’t met you yet.”